“I know my child, they would never do that”
I don’t know how often I heard those words as a child. Doing things that my mum couldn’t believe. Not just bad things but things she thought I couldn’t do both good and bad.
It’s not until you think back and you realise how many times you have surprised and shocked those closest to you and it makes you think “does anyone really know me”? For that matter do I really know my self? And the answer is I don’t know.
I have been described as the nicest sweetest person people have ever met and I have also been described as a horrible evil human being but I don’t know which one is me and if either of them are; maybe it’s both of them? It’s hard to think you can be loving and kind as well as stone cold and emotionless in the same breath.
I always see these couples who “tell each other everything” and I always wonder how true that is. Do they actually tell each other everything or is that just for show? I mean I don’t tell people everything. My closest friend and my partner don’t know everything, everyone needs secrets, don’t we? Or is it just me who believes that if you know me 100% you won’t want anything to do with me? I’m not even sure I know 100% everything about me, have I hidden things from my self to keep me happy and safe or do I just now care about some of the things I have done and said to other people?
Do we all just have a collection of masks that we swap and choose depending on the required situation? Or are we just evolving in an ever changing world to hide and adapt easier and faster? Do you even remember the real you? Not the person you want to be or the person you are in front of your friends or family, not the person you are in front of the person you love, I mean the real you? Do you remember that person? The one you hide away in case no one likes them? The person who is not a mast, that person you only let out when it’s only you and no one else is about?
As I type this I have just had someone add me on snap chat by accident as they tried to add their 8 year old family member and we are now reminiscing about how much easier life was when we were younger when being yourself was enough to find friends and be happy in life before everyone became a judge on a talent show that we are all stuck in and none of us make the cut for.
Not to sure if the last sentence made sense but hay this is after all for me so 😝 to those of you don’t understand.
Anyway sadly I’m going to end this blog as I’m starting to ramble and I feel as tho this is a time to stop before is spirals into a blog full of rambling nonsense. So good bye and I will be back soon.
“Don’t worry school is not forever, when you leave everyone changes and grows up. Nothing that happens here will matter when you leave”
The above words echoed in my head the whole way through high school. People’s way of coping with the 6 years you are stuck with people you hate and you can get rid of, day after day. Thankfully school did end but somehow the same way of life contunued day in day out.
I like in the UK so I don’t know about schools around the world but as for my experience how someone is in school is who they will be when they leave school. I know this is not a nice thing considering how most of us acted in high school but it’s true.
I work in an office so I am close to those who work with me so I get to know how each person really is and not just the ,act they wear when around management and “childish” is not even close to how one member acts. I had 6 years of high school and I heard less moaning and bitching then that I have in the three and a bit years I have been in this office. It’s bizar to know just how bitchy some people are behind other people’s backs but nice as anything to their faces.
There is a reason I have my guard up in work and around new people and this is it, no one is who they seem to be and sadly you never know who someone is until they think you can’t hear them.
Oscar Wilde once said “Give a man a mask and he will show his true face.” And truer words have never been spoken.
How is it that making friends when your young is natural and easy but the second you become an “adult” all of a sudden it’s almost impossiable to go out and make friends that matter to you?
I remember meeting my best friend (I was late teens) and that was the last true friend I have made randomly. Obviously I have had a few others due to being friends with him but for this thay don’t count as they are friends by proxy. For this I mean fresh friends that have no ties to you to start with, people that you meet and become friends with.
I know people in work who I class as work friends and I have a handful of friends who I go biking with at the weekends but since making it into my 20s I have found it harder to meet and maintain friendships.
I like to think I can keep a conversation going, I would like to think that I’m not overly annoying, I just seem to start making people laugh with a joke or two then when I think it’s going well it all fades away into nothing leaving me here questioning if that’s how people are in this day and age. Are we really in an age where you can’t just meet someone and be nice? If opening up to someone really so hard for our generation? Has fearing the unknown made us scared of new people’s? Or maybe is this just how life is these days? Too busy to make and maintain new connections?
I don’t know. 🤔
B d head has always seemed to be a strange phrase to me. Most people assume bed head is to do with your hair where as for me it’s that mind set you get into when laying in bed trying to sleep.
This may just be me but when even I’m super tired and excited to curl up in bed I always find my self laying there all comfy and cosy, all ready to fall asleep when a small voice in my head goes “lunch today wasn’t overly healthy” or “you remember that girl who passed you the other day? Where do you suppose she was going” and from there I go from tired to wide awake and away on a thought trail that has me thinking about aliens and making up story’s in my head about scenarios that would never happen in real life like if my office got taken over by gunmen and I had to save the day and how I would go about it, before I know it hours have passed and I’m no longer tired and wishing I could just sleep.
Tonight is one of these nights so I decided to share my nightly sleeping issues with this new world I have created to spill my random thoughts into and see if it helps. And yes I am aware typing on a screen is not going to help me sleep but maybe placing these thoughts out of my head and into the abys that is the internet maybe it will help.
Anyway good night and hope you guys and girls can sleep easier than me tonight.
P.S. does anyone else wonder what animals are thinking? Like dogs and cats and make up voices and give them a life in your own head? Maybe something for another day hahaha
Is it just me or is the bathroom the only place in this world where you can capture a few peaceful minutes of silence?
My name is Dylan, however for now it’s not overly important. Over the next however long this venture goes on, I’m going to try and explain my life and my world. It’s not going to be interesting so if your after guns, violence and anything exciting then I’m sorry this is not for you.
Not too sure how to blog so for now this is my moment of silence over. Time to get out of the bathroom before someone thinks iv fallen into the toilet.
If anyone reads this fully; I thank you and admire you for reading my ramblings and not clicking on an advert that is most likely on this page offering you some rubbish from Amazon or the “neighbour next door” week free on some dodgy adult site.
Anyway until next time, Farewell.