“I know my child, they would never do that”
I don’t know how often I heard those words as a child. Doing things that my mum couldn’t believe. Not just bad things but things she thought I couldn’t do both good and bad.
It’s not until you think back and you realise how many times you have surprised and shocked those closest to you and it makes you think “does anyone really know me”? For that matter do I really know my self? And the answer is I don’t know.
I have been described as the nicest sweetest person people have ever met and I have also been described as a horrible evil human being but I don’t know which one is me and if either of them are; maybe it’s both of them? It’s hard to think you can be loving and kind as well as stone cold and emotionless in the same breath.
I always see these couples who “tell each other everything” and I always wonder how true that is. Do they actually tell each other everything or is that just for show? I mean I don’t tell people everything. My closest friend and my partner don’t know everything, everyone needs secrets, don’t we? Or is it just me who believes that if you know me 100% you won’t want anything to do with me? I’m not even sure I know 100% everything about me, have I hidden things from my self to keep me happy and safe or do I just now care about some of the things I have done and said to other people?
Do we all just have a collection of masks that we swap and choose depending on the required situation? Or are we just evolving in an ever changing world to hide and adapt easier and faster? Do you even remember the real you? Not the person you want to be or the person you are in front of your friends or family, not the person you are in front of the person you love, I mean the real you? Do you remember that person? The one you hide away in case no one likes them? The person who is not a mast, that person you only let out when it’s only you and no one else is about?
As I type this I have just had someone add me on snap chat by accident as they tried to add their 8 year old family member and we are now reminiscing about how much easier life was when we were younger when being yourself was enough to find friends and be happy in life before everyone became a judge on a talent show that we are all stuck in and none of us make the cut for.
Not to sure if the last sentence made sense but hay this is after all for me so 😝 to those of you don’t understand.
Anyway sadly I’m going to end this blog as I’m starting to ramble and I feel as tho this is a time to stop before is spirals into a blog full of rambling nonsense. So good bye and I will be back soon.